Blackberry Cheesecake Bars

Oh dear.

I'm really sorry. No, truly, I am. It's only the middle of the week, and I have chosen to assault you with this image. But wait! It involves blackberries, cream cheese, oats, eggs, and butter. Depending on how creative you are, this can be considered very healthy.

Now that we are done fantasizing about the potential of health in the recipe, let's get down to business. We had those magnificent blackberries, and in the interest of being environmental and whatnot, I decided to bake with them before they went bad. See?! Delicious and resourceful. Clearly, this is a good idea.

The bones of this recipe are pretty basic. It's all the ingredients you probably have sitting around, minus the berries (You can, by the way, use any kind of berries. I just happened to have blackberries) and the cream cheese.

So we have sugar, salt, brown sugar, eggs, lemon juice, cinnamon, butter, etc, etc. There should also be a baking soda box involved in the picture, but I am a space cadet and forgot to put it out. Thus, we are no longer on speaking terms because I hurt it's feelings. However, do you see that tiny bag of flour at the back? Normally I buy giant bags, but I saw this itty-bitty bag and it was soooooo dang cute. I LOVE tiny things. Like baby pigs.

Ahem. Sorry about that. Carry on.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees (I realize we are being abrupt, but now you see what happens when I get distracted). In a large mixing bowl, mix together the flour, brown sugar, cinammon, salt, and baking soda. Stir it all together, and toss in the melted butter. Ok, don't literally toss it in. That would be messy. Just pour the butter into the mixture and stir it together until it's crumbly and delightful. Kind of like this:

I suggest protecting this with your life. But maybe not everyone has to fight to save their in-process baking from prying hands. I have found wooden spoons help fight off hungry hordes the best.

Now, line a 8x8 baking pan with parchment paper. I was messy about it, but you are probably better at it then I am. Once you've done that, press in the mixture along the bottom. Set aside about three-quarters of a cup for the topping.

I really wish I had painted my nails before this. They are really quite bad. And now you've noticed just how bad they are. Crud.

Now shove the pan into the oven, set the timer for 12 minutes, and forget about it for a little bit. We have to get to the really important stuff.

Look! Look how healthy this is. You can even see the blackberries in between the sugar. I am a crusader for all things healthy. To make this delight, put the blackberries, sugar, and cornstarch into a saucepan. Stir them together, GENTLY. Otherwise, everything just falls apart. Like, the entire world, literally. Now add in the lemon juice and begin heating the mixture. Stir every once in a while, and don't let it burn. Soon, you will have this magical concoction below.

It should take about seven minutes to get to this point. Now set it aside and let it cool a little while. You have taken the oat mixture out of the oven by now, haven't you? If it's smoking, you might want to consider a redo. If all has gone well so far, its time to pour the berry mix over the oats.

Mmmmmmmm. And the best part is yet to come. Now we get to deal with the cream cheese and even more goodness. The cream cheese should be soft by now. Beat it with an electric beater (or manually, depending on how big your biceps are) until its smooth, then add in the granulated sugar and vanilla.

So that doesn't look so amazing. But now you can add the egg. Just one is all you need. And whip that up until it's smooth and creamy and looks kind of like this:

I can't even deal. It took every ounce of strength to not just attack this with a spoon. Luckily, I have lots of self control. Kind of. Instead, I just poured it over the berries and oats in the pan. Swirl it together a little bit. Write your name, make pictures, draw a rainbow. Or don't. As long as it looks something like this, you're on the right track.

I can't even deal.

Remember that oats mixture that we didn't bake? Provided it hasn't been eaten, sprinkle it over the top. All of it.

Nom nom nom. Before you break down, put it in the oven. Let it sit there for about 30 or so minutes. After 30 minutes, the top should be golden brown and the inside be bubbling just a little bit. Sit it out to cool. Seriously, it has to cool. Now is the time to summon your willpower.

I KNOW. Ugh, and now it has to cool at room temperature, and then into the fridge. For a whole hour. Talk about agony. But the payoff, I find, is worth it.

Goodness. I'm not sure I can handle this.

I have had many failures in the kitchen, but I don't think this is one of them. Enjoy my non-failure.

Furry Children

The name of this website is based upon owning three dogs. For whatever reason, my husband and I believed it was a good idea to have three dogs. Let me reiterate: my husband thought it was a good idea to have two dogs. I, however, had a meltdown when I realized that puppies grow up into seventy pound terrorists, and that's how we got our tiny dog.

I thought I should introduce you to my brood. I have cut it down to the bare bones, and have chosen not to add in our collection of couch people, who "unexpectedly" show up when I'm cooking.

Staring from the top:

My husband- this is what they call working. Today was arts and crafts day in the Australian Outback, where all the soldiers learned to make their own camouflage. I am happy to report that this camouflage did NOT come home from the Australian training mission. Charming.

In order from oldest to youngest, we will now review the children. Please bear in mind that I have attachment issues, so my children will look ever so slightly different from you children. None the less, I can proudly admit that I have knitted a dog sweater.

Below we have our German Shepherd, Bo. He just turned two, and is an absolute trainwreck. Everyday is a new adventure with him. Bo cannot handle change, stress, people he doesn't know, food he has never had, or anything the slightest bit different than what he is accustomed to. That said, adding one extra dog may have been good for him. Two extra dogs are considerable overkill. He has a whole host of health problems, and if there is a way to hurt himself within his surroundings, you can bet your bottom dollar he will. He generally handles this quite well, especially when it comes time to treat him. The other day, I had to give him his ear infection medication, and we became so badly wedged together in the kennel, a third party had to be recruited to un-stick us. Bless you, Jordan.

Bo tries to hide while getting his ear medication.

 Exhibit B is our Dutch Shepherd, Divity. She also goes by Monster, Turd, Terrorist, and some more colorful nouns. And to answer your question, there is such thing as a Dutch Shepherd. I KNOW. We had no idea such a creature existed. She is our middle dog, and by that logic, completely neurotic. She does whatever she wants, when she wants. Apparently, she never got the memo that she does not rule the world, so for now, Divity is the big dog. The upside of her is that everything bad in the world can be improved with a squeaky toy, particularly one that she gets a hold of as everyone gets into bed. She throws up the instant she goes near a car (as exemplified below), as well as lose control of her other bodily functions.

Finally, we have the apple of my eye and the bane of my husband's existence. His name is Barrett, or Nugget, and he is a toy Australian Shepherd (I imagine you're rolling your eyes right now. We have a slight problem with shepherds; thankfully, we are seeing someone for it.) Nobody has told Barrett that he is only ten pounds. NOTHING deters him from valiantly defending his homestead. Here he is on the beach carefully monitoring his surroundings.

The face of death

 

 

 

This is obviously the edited version of my herd. I think its fair to say that three dogs and a bushman husband is a handful. About time for a baby, eh?

Fleas and Berries

I have finally found an insect I hate more than mosquitoes: fleas. You see, mosquitoes typically gather near standing water, which I have very little of in my house. Fleas, on the other hand, do not need any kind of environmental crutches to survive. All they need is a little space and the will to turn otherwise competent humans into babbling, crying, OCD-cleaning puddle o' meltdowns. Living in the high and dry climate of New Mexico, mosquitoes, ticks, and fleas were rarely a problem (don't send a hit to my house yet- we did have cockroaches). Cockroaches can be killed if you stand on a counter, throw heavy silverware, and scream until someone comes to dispose of them probably. But fleas... fleas are an entirely different ballgame. Now sit, and let me tell you the story of our encounter with fleas.

Disclaimer: Fleas are, in fact, not cute and cuddly. This image is to protect you from getting the heebie-jeebies.

After a relaxing week and a half in New Mexico visiting our families, my husband and I returned to (horrors!) a house and three dogs full of fleas. We are in the process of cleaning/throwing out/exorcising our shelter from these terrible beasts. That phrase of "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of desperate vacuuming"? Beyond true. A word to the wise: prevent fleas. It is truly easier said than done. However, I am here to dole out my worldly advice to whoever is having problems with fleas.

• Quarantine everything: flea and non-flea. We are lucky enough to have two bedrooms; if you live in a small space, I suggest cleaning things one by one, and sealing whatever you can fit into giant Ziploc bags.
• Wash your pets, even if they are indoor. Twice. We used Sentry Flea and Tick Shampoo, as well as Frontline on all our dogs.
• Vacuum. Then vacuum four more times. After that, shampoo your carpets. Wash your clothes. Wash your hair. Wash your sanity.
• Set off a flea bomb, and leave your house for several hours. Return, open the windows, and move into a plastic bubble. Enjoy your flea-free existence.

I know, I know, this topic is sooooooo boring. I probably shouldn't have put up something so depressing as my second post in blogging history, but I'm hoping this helps even one person.

On a lighter note, it is blackberry season here in Washington. My husband and I discovered a very secret blackberry patch on an old dirt road near a towing company. Our romantic dates are out of control. Anyway, the berries up here are unbelievable. It's like God saying, "Grocery store? Gurrrrrl, please." We collected hundreds of blackberries, mostly in our bellies. We also were not all that alone:

Oh deer.

Sorry the picture isn't very good, but it was sunset. If you could look any closer, you would see that they still have their little fawn spots. I die, as the great Rachel Zoe said. Moving on from that, there were blackberries. Many, many blackberries, and we picked them. Observe.

Ta-da!

And there are a million more bushes that look just like this. It is a tad overwhelming to have all these berries at your fingertips. While they are quite delicious on their own, especially right out of a giant wooden bowl while wearing a white striped dress, sometimes you just need to improve on what nature gives you. With flour, sugar, and butter. That being said, I am generously presenting to you a list of blackberry recipes, all of which I plan to complete. There are a lot of berries to be picked, and waste not, want not.

1. Blackberry Crumb Buckles (www.memoriesinthebaking.blogspot.com)
2. Mini Vanilla Cupcakes with Blackberry Frosting (www.cosmocookie.blogspot.com)
3. Blackberry Cheesecake Tart (www.yammiesnoshery.blogspot.com)
4. Blackberry Lemon Crumble (www.blessherheart.typepad.com)
5. Blackberry Pie Bars (www.pink-parsley.com)

My sacrifices are so wonderful. 

Welcome! (In a scared and embarassed way)

Hi all! My name is Maggie- I moved from New Mexico to Washington to be with my husband, who is stationed up here. The move proved to be productive, namely because I learned why everyone is so excited about Washington. Eventually, I would like to move to the country and be a useful baby-making housewife; for the time being, I am happy picking blackberries and having my shoulders dislocated by walking three dogs.

The herd

 Ok, so that picture contains mostly dog butts. I assure you they are quite cute, and not normally this well behaved. Luckily, it was hot out and we were close to suffering from Washington-style heat stroke (it's over 80 degrees?! I will sit inside my freezer, thanks). However, this more or less summarizes my immediate surroundings. Here is just one more quick taste:

Barret receives his regularly scheduled torture (a bath)

Oops. I'm a terrible parent.